Re: I-D ACTION:draft-ietf-secsh-gsskeyex-06.txt

["David M. Williams" <d_wllms%lanl.gov@localhost>]

Jeff,
   Can you also send me the .dtd for the XML?  Since Bill seems in 
quite a hurry I thought I'd start now with comments and edits inline to 
my email.  First some notes on my feedback.  I will get as many of these 
edits as possible to you today.



Editing Notes (based on RFC2223 and RFC2360):
General Notes:

   1. There is no intended audience section (RFC2223).
   2. No references are given for any of the GSSAPI calls or messages, 
in any section.
   3. The use of "section" is not capitalized consistently when used as
   part of a reference.
   4. All acronyms/abbreviations must be written out fully and 
parenthetically
   referenced at their first occurance.
   5. There should be two blank spaces between sentences.

Title:
   1. GSSAPI acronym must be written out fully.  In my edit I expand 
GSS leaving out
   API.

Table of Contents (TOC):

   1. I think that we should have one.  The document length falls in 
the optional range,
   15-20.

Abstract (see RFC2223 sect. 4.5):

   1. Must not contain references.
   2. Should not be longer than 20 lines.
   3. Should be much less detailed.

Introduction:

   1. Introduction is inappropriately detailed and specific.
   2. Should be much longer and more general in scope.

Change log:

   1. Is not conformant to recommendations in either RFC2223 or
   RFC2360.

References:

   1. Normative References 6-9, must be listed as Non-normative as 
these RFC's will
   not have  been approved by the IETF at the time of this draft's 
submission.
   2. I believe that 12-14 need to be Informative.  Please correct me 
if I am wrong.

These are the notes I have already and as soon as you can get me the 
.dtd you'll get my diff with most of these changes.  I can provide exact 
references for my notes if anyone cares for clarification.

Dave

Jeffrey Hutzelman wrote:

> On Wed, 16 Jul 2003, David M. Williams wrote:
>
>  
>
> >    Can you please email me a copy.  I don't have afs on ony of my
> > boxen.  Most of my edits are gramatical and structural in nature so I'll
> > be changing things a bit but not really touching the actual technical
> > aspects of the draft.
> >    
>
> Sure; it's attached.  Feel free to send me some patches.
>